How Quitting Porn Changed My Love Life

How Quitting Porn Changed My Love Life

Quit Porn

It all started with a harsh realization. I was sitting alone in my room, staring at the blank screen of my phone after a call from my girlfriend. She was breaking things off with me. She said I seemed distant, that I wasn’t really connecting with her. I didn’t understand what she meant at first, but deep down, I knew what was wrong.

I knew it was my own doing that led to this in the relationship. 

You see, for years, I had been consuming a lot of porn. It began as a casual thing, just a way to unwind and feel relaxed. But over time, it became a daily habit, something I couldn’t go without. My expectations for women grew unrealistically high. I found myself comparing every girl I met to the unrealistic standards set by the porn industry. 

If she didn’t look like that perfect body embodiment, with that perfect body and flawless face, I just couldn’t find her attractive. I would only give a solid 10/10 to porn stars with perfect bodies, which, of course, were far from natural. In real life, I barely rated the girls I met more than a 5 or 6 out of 10. My friends would talk about certain girls’ beauty, but I couldn’t see it. They just seemed so ordinary to me. 

My relationships (or rather flings) were short-lived, and I couldn’t form any real connections.

Until my last girlfriend, I met her through a mutual friend. She was different. 

Okay, yes, she was pretty, but that is not all. She was amazingly understanding, kind, intelligent and easy to talk to. We hit it off immediately, and I thought maybe I was ready for a real relationship. 

Everything was going great until it wasn’t anymore. You see, old habits take time to go. While being in a relationship, I still continued watching porn. With time, I found myself getting increasingly critical of my girlfriend’s appearance. I compared her to the women I saw in porn, and she always fell short. It wasn’t fair to her, and deep down, I knew it. Soon, I become distant. I was emotionally unavailable, and soon, I started avoiding physical intimacy as well. You see, it did not feel satisfying. I felt more satisfied fapping to porn. 

So, when she ended things with me, I eventually understood where she was coming from. When she left, I thought I would be okay with time. Of course, I was unhappy, but I thought it would be OK. Well, it wasn’t. 

I think I finally realized what I had lost. I lost someone who was amazingly kind and intelligent, someone who cared for me, someone who loved me. And all over what? Over fleeting moments of pleasure? 

Losing my ex-girlfriend made me sit down and reflect. Was I going to keep living in fleeting pleasurable moments of my addiction, or did I want something more real and genuine? 

The thought of forming no real connections in life because of my unrealistic standards scared me. I knew I had to change.

That’s when I committed to quitting this place I had landed in life.

The first step was deciding to quit porn. It wasn’t easy. The first few days were the hardest, and I constantly struggled with the urge to fall back into my old habits. 

But I was determined. I started reading about the effects of porn on the brain and how it could distort our views on relationships and intimacy. Understanding the science behind it gave me the motivation to keep going.

After about a month of being porn-free or sheer determination and commitment, I observed changes in myself. 

My biggest problem was an unrealistic and unhealthy obsession with pornstar, well, that definitely changed.  I began to notice the beauty in the girls around me. The ones I used to rate as a 5 suddenly became a 9. I realized that porn had messed up my brain, setting my expectations to unattainable heights. Without it, I could appreciate and respect women around me for what they actually were. 

Well, this realization and change was both uplifting and humbling. I had spent so long looking for perfection that I missed out on the amazing people right in front of me. I started going on dates again, this time with a completely different mindset. I focused on getting to know the person, their interests, their humour, their quirks. It was a game-changer.

I remember one particular date with a wonderful girl. We went to a small art gallery, and as we walked through the exhibits, we talked about everything from our favourite books to our dreams for the future. I was captivated by her passion and her perspectives on life. She wasn’t what I would have previously considered a “10,” but she was beautiful in ways that truly mattered. As our relationship progressed, I realized that the connection we shared was far more fulfilling than any pleasure I had gotten from porn. 

We laughed together, supported each other, and grew closer each day. My outlook on love and relationships had transformed completely.

Being porn-free not only improved my love life but also boosted my overall self-esteem and mental health. I felt more confident and less anxious. My interactions with women became more genuine and respectful. I was no longer chasing an illusion of perfection but embracing the beauty of real, imperfect human connections.

Quitting porn taught me an invaluable lesson about expectations and reality. It helped me see the wonderful people around me and allowed me to form deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Today, as I look back, I hardly recognize the person I used to be. My love life has changed for the better, and so have I. I’m grateful for the experience and for the incredible women who helped me see the world differently. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that real beauty lies in authenticity and connection, not in the unrealistic standards set by porn. 

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Lynda Mayer

Lynda Mayer, LPCC, an alumnus of the University of Minnesota with a master's degree in Clinical Psychology, is a seasoned licensed professional clinical counselor. With over a decade of experience in counseling, she specializes in adolescent mental health. Lynda actively shares her extensive knowledge and insights through writing, contributing significantly to the field of psychology and mental well-being. Her work not only demonstrates her expertise but also her commitment to improving adolescent mental health outcomes.