Why Did I Relapse on Day 50? Analyzing My NoFap Journey 

Hey everyone, Welcome to our community corner! Get ready to explore the personal journey of one of our community members. Through the eyes of our members, I’ll be sharing their experiences and insights. Get ready for an inspiring ride – we hope you enjoy the journey!

Yes, It happened. I relapsed. And now, as I sit here, fingers hovering over the keyboard, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions inside me.  

Guilt, self-loathing, dejection, a new determination…I can just go on & on. But most importantly, I want to use this journaling as a point of self-reflection. I want to analyse & understand what really happened.  

Why, after hitting a high on Day 49, did I come crashing down the next day? 

So, here’s my story of why I relapsed on Day 50 of my NoFap journey and how I’m picking myself up again with the help of this incredible community. 

Okay, so until now, I was going strong. That’s right, 49 days of saying no to porn, resisting those urges, and getting better, porn-free results on my way.  

But then, out of nowhere, it happened. I relapsed. And let me tell you, it hit me like a huge roadblock! 

It all started on a Friday. I remember the day quite particularly now. It was probably the worst one this month.  

So, on that day, I messed up something at work & was shouted at by my boss. It had really affected me.  

You see, I am a people pleaser; I don’t like underperforming. (I know this isn’t healthy, but honestly. I am trying to change this personality trait.) 

Anyway, coming back, it was quite a bad day for me, at least mentally. I was feeling pretty down. By the time I was home, it all escalated. I was all restless and anxious, especially being alone with my thoughts. And it was in this state of mind I made THE BIG MISTAKE. I made a choice that (looking back now, I guess it was the worst one for the day) ruined all my progress. I decided to find relief in my old habits.  

At that time, nothing mattered except finding release. It was just the main goal. And it was in that vulnerable state that I messed up the good progress of 49 days!! 

I spent hours scrolling through porn on my phone. Deep down, I knew that it wasn’t something I should be doing. Yet I kept going, chasing after a fleeting sense of satisfaction that never truly materialised. 

Looking back now, when I am in a better frame of mind, I can see that my relapse wasn’t just about giving in to my cravings.  

No, it was more about trying to find comfort in familiar habits, even if they weren’t good for me. It was like I was trying to fill a void that could never be satisfied by temporary fixes. 

And in the end, I paid with my progress for those 2 mins of sexual release.  

After that, all I was left with was a nagging sense of guilt and despair. Even after trying to move on from it, trying to tell myself I can’t really change what’s done, the sadness, shame and guilt were persistent. I just couldn’t get over it, though I knew it wasn’t helping me.  

Maybe I thought I deserved to feel bad; I’m not sure. 

But In those moments of feeling dejected & at my lowest, something did help me revive (at least mentally).  

It was all the support & motivation I received from my fellow members of the BlockerX community. They’ve been so encouraging and understanding. Their messages & comments have really helped me understand that relapses can happen to the best of people. What matters is to not give up & keep trying.  

Their words have, in fact, reminded me that a mess-up doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It just means I’m human, like everyone else. And as long as I keep trying, I can still make progress. 

And this has been really motivating. It got me thinking; starting now, I have two choices from here on, either I give up all & go back to porn addiction, or I make up for that one day by moving ahead, starting again with better determination.  

I think my choices are clear; I’m ready to start over again. I’m going to learn from what happened and try to do better next time. Because even though I stumbled, I’m not going to let that stop me from reaching my goals. 

So here’s to starting all over again.  

Here’s to facing the challenges ahead and coming out stronger. And most importantly, here’s to never giving up because, in the end, what matters is that we keep trying! 

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Lynda Mayer

Lynda Mayer, LPCC, an alumnus of the University of Minnesota with a master's degree in Clinical Psychology, is a seasoned licensed professional clinical counselor. With over a decade of experience in counseling, she specializes in adolescent mental health. Lynda actively shares her extensive knowledge and insights through writing, contributing significantly to the field of psychology and mental well-being. Her work not only demonstrates her expertise but also her commitment to improving adolescent mental health outcomes.

About BlockerX

BlockerX is an adult content-blocking app for Android, iOS, desktop & chrome. In addition to blocking adult content, BlockerX also has a strong community of 100,000 members and courses that help you work on your porn problems, one step at a time.

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About BlockerX

BlockerX is an adult content-blocking app for Android, iOS, desktop & chrome. In addition to blocking adult content, BlockerX also has a strong community of 100,000 members and courses that help you work on your porn problems, one step at a time.