Masturbation is Ruining My Life: What to Do?

Masturbation is Ruining My Life

It all started with a feeling I couldn’t shake. 

For as long as I can remember, I had been struggling with something that was consuming my life: masturbation. 

At first, it seemed harmless, just like a normal part of growing up. But gradually, it turned into an obsession that was ruining everything for me. But this was basically worse because I have always struggled with OCD.

My mind is always racing with thoughts, most of them revolving around cleanliness and fear of contamination. I have this relentless mental voice that has made my life incredibly difficult. And imagine how worse it turned when my compulsive habits collided with my masturbation addiction.

It felt like I was spiraling out of control!

Every time I gave in to the urge, the shame and guilt hit me like a wave. I couldn’t escape the thought that I was getting everything dirty. I used to worry about what if I contracted or spread an STI. I know it sounds irrational, but that’s the reality of living with OCD. You overthink so much that reality and common sense blur in the background.  The persistent thoughts become more than just passing worries; they’re a constant, crushing presence.

So, whenever I masturbated (which was pretty frequently), I felt extremely dirty after it.  I avoided touching doorknobs, skipped family dinners, and practically isolated myself in my room. I took a bath every time I masturbated (sometimes at 2 am!). 

I felt dirty all the time. It was not only physically though I felt mentally and emotionally drained as well.

But that did not stop me from this ‘all-consuming’ addiction. Despite feeling dirty and guilty later, I would give in to the urge to masturbate every time!

Naturally, with these contradicting pulls between OCD and masturbation addiction, I was literally going insane. I feel like shit.  The depression grew deeper with each passing day, and I found myself crying alone in my room, wishing I could just sleep and never wake up.

Interactions with my family became strained. They noticed the changes but couldn’t understand the reason. How could I explain that my problem was more than just a habit? It was an addiction intertwined with my mental health issues, creating a cycle that seemed impossible to break!

One day, the isolation and despair reached a tipping point. I knew I had to do something, but I didn’t know where to start. I couldn’t talk to anyone (I felt dirty & ashamed). So, with no recourse, I turned to the internet. Out of sheer desperation, I searched online for help.

And man what luck, I did find something! I stumbled upon the BlockerX community. 

At first, I was skeptical. Could an online community really help me with something so personal and deeply ingrained?

But I had nothing to lose, so I joined. I posted about my struggles, pouring out everything I had been holding inside (anonymity was my biggest boon): the OCD, the constant thoughts of contamination, the depression, and how masturbation was ruining my life. And my god, the response was overwhelming.

People didn’t just read my post; they understood. Many had been in my shoes, and their empathy was such an amazing ray of hope.

I remember one member recommended I join a support group. He had somewhat similar issues to mine (he was struggling with depression & porn addiction). He shared how it had transformed his life, giving him a sense of community and understanding that he never thought possible. I hesitated, fearing judgment and exposure, but ultimately, I decided to give it a shot.

Joining that support group was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made (thank you, my BlockerX friend, I owe you big time!)

In our meetings, I found a safe space to talk about my addiction without fear of judgment. I learned practical strategies for managing my urges and coping with my masturbation addiction. The group introduced me to mindfulness techniques and cognitive-behavioral strategies that helped me reframe my thoughts.

Well, it wasn’t an instant fix. Recovery never is.

It was a long and (often) grueling journey. But slowly, I began to see changes. The overwhelming thoughts started to lose their grip, and the constant feeling of dirtiness began to fade. 

With the support of my group, I developed a routine that included healthier ways to cope with stress and anxiety.

The most profound change was in my interactions with my family. As I started to heal, I became more present. I began to reconnect with them, explaining my struggles and the steps I was taking toward recovery. Their support, once they understood what I was going through, became a pillar of my strength.

Looking back, I realize that reaching out for help was the turning point. The BlockerX community and the support groups taught me that addiction and mental health issues are not battles to be fought alone. There’s immense power in sharing our stories and leaning on each other for support.

If you’re reading this and feeling like masturbation is ruining your life, know that you’re not alone. There are communities out there, like BlockerX, filled with people who understand your struggles and want to help. Recovery is possible, but it starts with taking that first step and reaching out for support. You don’t have to fight this battle alone.

No Fap First Week
Why I’m Quitting Porn at 30
How I am Overcoming PIED
Why Did I Relapse on Day 50
What’s your Reaction?
+1
1
+1
0
+1
1
+1
0

Lynda Mayer

Lynda Mayer, LPCC, an alumnus of the University of Minnesota with a master's degree in Clinical Psychology, is a seasoned licensed professional clinical counselor. With over a decade of experience in counseling, she specializes in adolescent mental health. Lynda actively shares her extensive knowledge and insights through writing, contributing significantly to the field of psychology and mental well-being. Her work not only demonstrates her expertise but also her commitment to improving adolescent mental health outcomes.