Table of Contents
Key takeaway
Healthy sex is very different from pornography, which often shows sexual relationships that are false and damaging. Healthy sex is marked by care, emotional connection, dialogue, and respect. Pornography, on the other hand, exaggerates the physical and gives unrealistic ideas of what real-life sex is like.
Introduction
Porn is a display of sexual acts either in video or image format. Pornography is scripted and staged to look appealing to the eyes whereas sex is a natural response to sexual arousal. Most people associate pornography with sexual activity but this is a simple way to see things.
Misconceptions About Sex
Pornography is completely different from real-life sex, and even more so from healthy sex. Unfortunately, most people watch porn to understand out of curiosity to see what sex would look like. But watching pornography comes with many misconceptions.
Healthy Sex vs. Pornographic Sex
Fortunately, this article is here to dispel some of these misconceptions.
Lies that Pornography Tells About Sex
| Healthy Sex | Pornographic Sex |
| 1. Involves caring for someone | Using someone |
| 2. Sharing a moment with a partner | Partners have sex at each other |
| 3. Expression of intimacy | Separate from emotion and love |
| 4. Nurturing | Can be hurtful |
| 5. Emotionally close | Emotionally distant |
| 6. Requires certain conditions | Can happen anytime with anyone |
| 7. Always respectful | Can be degrading |
| 8. Requires healthy communication | Lacks healthy communication |
| 9. Set boundaries | Nothing is off limits |
| 10. Reflects your values | Compromises your values |
1. Sex in porn is using someone. Healthy Sex involves caring for someone.
Pornography usually sends a message that only one person gets their way during sex. Whereas in healthy sex, one partner works towards the other’s pleasure and vice versa. It is a selfless act where one individual makes sure that their partner is satisfied.
When this effort is seen by both parties there is mutual satisfaction.
Porn pushes the idea that you should get what you want, no matter the cost. This can be quite hurtful and damaging to your partner. Pornography only portrays a selfish attitude toward pleasure. If healthier representations of sex were seen, we would see a lot happier couples.
In fact, studies have shown that the use of internet pornography increases narcissism. “The time spent watching internet porn was positively correlated with the level of the narcissism of the participants.
In addition, those who have used internet porn have more than those who have never used internet porn. All three measurements of narcissism favored high scores. ”
2. In porn, partners have sex at each other. Healthy sex is sharing a moment with a partner.
Pornography usually portrays women as sexual objects and the narratives usually display how the male character does things to the female character.
Sex in porn feels obligatory but in healthy relationships, sex is a result of the love between two individuals. It is sharing an intimate moment with a partner.
Whereas, sex in healthy relationships is a moment of bonding and it feels like an exclusive experience that is only meant for partners.
When sex is healthy, it can be an act of unity. Pornography describes sex simply as an act performed on a person, which in turn insults them and creates a sense of selfish sense of independence among the people involved.
Healthy sex is more consistent and respects the desires of the other person involved.
3. Sex in porn is separate from emotion and love. Healthy Sex is an expression of intimacy.
Porn separates sex and affection. Often, what is portrayed in the mainstream pornographic world can even be described as an act of love, and more appropriately as an act of domination and hatred.
Healthy sex is an expression of love and emotion between equal individuals and is based on the intimacy of relationships.
Adult videos usually get straight into the thick of it! There is no space for romance, intimacy, or even conversation. Pornography sticks to a basic script where the characters who are strangers meet as a coincidence.
There is no sign of a connection between the characters and people tend to misinterpret this and believe that this is how sex in real life should work.
Sexual intercourse then becomes a mere ritual between individuals where feelings are taken out of the picture. This can sometimes hurt the partner, as they see sex as something special and personal.
Read more: 7-Day Sex Challenge: Change Your Sex Life For the Better
4. Sex in porn can be hurtful. Healthy Sex is nurturing.
Adult videos show a whole array of positions and painful stunts that are performed by professionals. Research has shown that nearly 88% of pornography contains violent behavior. These statistics show us what the majority of porn users are watching.
Visuals have a greater impact on our behavior and constantly watching porn with undertones of violence can lead people to believe that this is what sex looks like in a healthy relationship.
Porn is selling the idea that sex should be used as punishment or that aggressive sex is desirable. This is dangerous and unhealthy. In fact, healthy sex should not hurt you but should be an act of care.
Healthy sex is nurturing your partner and helping them feel secure and loved.
5. Sex in porn is emotionally distant. Healthy Sex is emotionally close.
It is obvious that degrading porn causes men and women to feel emotionally distant. Healthy sex includes emotional investments and recognizes emotional needs and desires between partners.
Bonding vs Isolating:
Healthy sex leads to emotional bonding between couples which helps them weather the storms every relationship experiences. Pornography often leads to addiction and isolation. Instead of dating and getting to know women, men often find themselves alone watching porn.
6. Sex in porn can happen anytime with anyone. Healthy Sex requires certain conditions.
Adult films usually show strangers with no introductions taking part in sex but sex can be awkward without introductions. You need to know a person before you get physically and emotionally intimate with them.
Pornography sells the idea that anyone can suddenly start (and enjoy) having sex with others at any time. It downplays communication, consent, and emotions, among other factors.
All of these play a role when sex can occur.
7. Sex in porn can be degrading. Healthy Sex is always respectful.
The basis of healthy sex is mutual respect. Lack of respect leads to hurt emotions at best, violence, and abuse in the worst case, but pornography makes us believe that insulting people is not a problem as long as you enjoy it.
In porn, humiliation can be seen as a weapon to gain power during sex. Humiliation should never be something that is associated with sex. Partners must feel like equals and participate fully and wholly in an act that they both desire.
Social stigma will make you believe that wanting sex is shameful, especially for women, but biology says that it is natural and must be embraced.
It is always good to implement safe sex practices to have the best experiences possible.
Read more: 10 Ways the Porn Industry Degrades Women
8. Sex in porn lacks healthy communication. Healthy Sex requires healthy communication.
Meaningful communication is nearly absent from pornography, and when it’s present, you could hardly call it healthy (verbal abuse). Porn makes talking seem like a mood killer, but communicating likes, dislikes, or other thoughts during sex promotes healthier, safer, and all-around better sex and a better connection with your partner.
Pornography is a production, there is a whole crew involved with actors, directors, and cameramen with several types of equipment for lighting and shooting the video.
Often times as consumers, people do not see behind the scenes. There is a script involved where the performers have explained a list of dos and don’ts before filming, but this does not come across while watching the video.
9. Nothing is off-limits in porn. Healthy Sex has set boundaries.
In pornography, there are no boundaries, even risky acts are played off as normal. No matter how unacceptable it may be, sexist, racist, abusive, or illegal, the rules seem to be: If someone enjoys it, it’s acceptable.
There really isn’t anything like a “harmless” fantasy in pornography. Sex in porn is a fantasy where everything is acceptable and exciting, which can put consumers on dangerous and slippery slopes.
This ‘everything goes’ attitude can be quite scary in the bedroom; it shows that the person does not respect their partner. Everybody has boundaries, even with sex people have boundaries.
There are some things you may like and others that you are not comfortable with.
What is a sexual boundary?
A sexual boundary is how far we are willing to go sexually and what are things beyond this limit that we find uncomfortable. For example, some people enjoy oral sex, while others don’t. From time to time, our sexual boundaries are pushed or examined by sexual partners who ask us to do unpleasant sexual things.
10. Sex in porn compromises your values. Healthy Sex reflects your values.
Sex should not be something where you feel uncomfortable and unsafe, separated from what someone cares about. You do not leave behind your values at the door.
7 Things porn exaggerates that sex does not
1. Positions that look good on camera
Healthy sex involves positions that make you feel closer to each other. Whereas sex in porn is solely to look good on the camera.
When shooting porn, you need to think about the camera angle. In real life, women don’t twist and contort themselves and men don’t do all these crazy acrobatic tricks. This is a relief because frankly, that kind of physical effort wouldn’t be possible for many of us.
2. In real life, most women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
Most women require more than just vaginal penetration to reach an orgasm. So, actors in porn, usually fake an orgasm. In adult films, women orgasm almost all the time in every video, this is unlikely in real life as a lot more stimulation is required in terms of women.
This creates added pressure for women that must orgasm, leading to the phenomenon of “faking an orgasm”.
Usually, women tend to do this to her partners feel good about themselves. Here, a woman’s pleasure is kept aside to please her partner.
3. The vast majority of women don’t squirt.
Only about 6% of women squirt regularly, and for this to happen, they usually need to massage their G-spots.
What is squirting?
It’s a release of fluids from the vulva during an orgasm. The fluid contains urine and a marginal amount of substance from the skin’s gland present in women.
It’s normal if your partner does not squirt. But porn will have you believe that all women squirt and even that is shown excessively.
Squirting in pornography is like putting on a show, that uses artificial methods to show squirting in pornography, and this with the least amount of realism.
4. The reactions are over-exaggerated moaning, screaming
For pornography to be known as a super stimulus, every element of it must be over the top. The reactions like screaming and moaning are purely to titillate the audience and are not a natural response.
The actors have to physically strain themselves to sound sexual while screaming. Healthy sex includes vocal sounds but it is a result of pleasure and not a performance act.
5. People in pornography are hairless cats
You heard it right! People in pornography do not have an inch of hair on their bodies and this is actually quite different from the truth.
Women and guys in porn films by no means have hair down there or anywhere else for that matter. We as humans naturally have hair on our bodies. In adults, there is hair that is found around the genitals. This is a secondary response to puberty.
It is completely normal and natural to have hair down there. But porn tries to completely avoid this and so people tend to feel ashamed of the hair on their bodies.
6. Sex happens anywhere at any time
According to porn movies, women get excited when they walk through the door. This is completely untrue. In reality, it takes about 10 minutes to excite a woman, and one study even says it takes about 30 minutes. In short, it takes time, don’t expect her to get excited the moment you walk in.
Sexual arousal can happen in the right situation where you feel tense emotions after being in each other’s presence. This takes time.
7. Exaggerated bodies
Sex is the healthiest when it’s between two people who appreciate each other’s physical features despite their flaws. Porn promotes completely fake sex. It shows people that their bodies must be perfect or artificially exaggerated in order for someone to sexually desire them.
Porn actors don’t look real. Many people rely on plastic surgery to change their bodies artificially.
In addition to plastic surgery, they use thousands of dollars worth of equipment for cameras and lighting. These factors make a huge difference in the way the bodies appear.
In real life, the lighting may not be as suitable but healthy sex occurs when you accept and love a person and their body completely.
The feeling of acceptance can be crucial in building a healthy relationship. It is important to remember that healthy sex can only occur in a healthy relationship. So, talk about what you like and dislike in bed and work together to get better at sex.
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