What Accountability means in a relationship?

The grade or condition of being accountable is a commitment or readiness to accept responsibility for one’s activities. Living life without justifications can be more accessible; however, relationships do not work that way; they require accountability to operate.

Does our mate show accountability? Are we accountable to our partners? How does that concern the relationship? Let’s initiate the discussion to create awareness of accountability. 


Accountability is being entirely responsible for what we do and says in a relationship. Once we commit to our partner, we must weigh taking specific actions and be liable before saying particular things.  

When we are accountable it is our responsibility to take care of entire aspects of our partners. Our partners may or may not be in good shape. One must not forget that at times and for a few things, one need not have a romantic or sexual relationship with a partner.  

Based on the equation and relationships, accountability partners can be defined and the responsibilities can be jolted on.   


There could be many reasons why a few individuals would not like to take up the responsibility, this could be the cause of deep trauma coated with betrayal, criticism, rejection, and other deeply rooted emotions. 

There are many times when people do not want to be responsible or accountable for the actions that are done by their partners. It could be a matter of guilt or shame or stigma attached to the actions. Hence there is a high possibility that people refuse to take up the responsibility of accountability partners.  



Accountability falls under three C’s:  

communication, compromise, and commitment are required to build a healthy relationship. 


People have distinct strong points; some are better at handling tense situations, some can control their anger, and some are good at supervising their finances. But when it comes to relationships, we might not be that great to show our accountability. It might be true that we do excellently upkeep our partners but are not flawless at communicating.

The key is to be mindful of our shortcomings and make deliberate efforts to work on them while making our partners happy through our strengths. Condensing more on taking care of our significant other and voicing our love should be the backbone of our relationship. Some of the ways that we can use to do so follow: 

#1 REVIEW:  

Taking a ‘self-inventory’ is a compulsory part of self-awareness and means assessing ourselves to understand what we are doing wrong or right. Reevaluating oneself requires total honesty, and we must try to be accurate.  


It’s significant to reward ourselves for our effort in a relationship, which strengthens that positive behavior and readies our minds to check those things. Most times, our partner’s response might be rewarding in itself, but we could also choose to regale ourselves. 


We should ask questions to enhance our accountability. Relationships won’t survive without collaborative effort from both parties, and being open-minded to constructive criticism could make us more accountable. 


No one blossoms at functioning simultaneously; they would be exhausted and disillusioned. Taking on more things than we can control won’t help the circumstances; it’s better to work on such cases one at a time. Be stoic, and toil on those flaws unhurriedly.  


Goal setting is an integral part of accountability. Accountability is all about being reliable and setting precise, measurable, attainable, appropriate, and time-bound goals for healthy behaviors we would like to modify or revise. 



As much as we are working on our flaws, a significant part of being more accountable is accepting any misconduct and apologizing for it. Without realizing what we are doing wrong, we cannot start the fixing and recovery processes that permit our partner to pardon us without having qualms or building bitterness.  


It’s integral to keep track of the commitments we have set or certain behaviors we have promised to reverse. Sometimes, it can be not easy because these characteristics might be natural, but renunciations are pertinent to maintaining a healthy relationship.  


Accountability is not a one-time strategy that makes our relationship perfect but an ongoing process that must be carried out continually. We must make total commitment to our actions and daily habits by operating on our reflections and reactions. 


Different frameworks can keep us accountable in relationships, and these frameworks were constructed and are used to make sure we remain on track. Adopting a framework that keeps us in check may not be a one-time solution, but we will see incremental improvement if we stick to it. 


Excuses are fragile and should not be tolerated in any case, especially when setting benchmarks for ourselves.  Excuses are deal-breakers in romantic relationships. Excuses can only take us so far; pushing the blame on other people may get us off the first few times, but it could cost us some valuable relationships when it becomes a habit.  


When accountable, we will inevitably confront problems we have not faced before. The best way to deal with those problems is to educate ourselves to do better in our relationship. We can utilize numerous references to educate on our issues, like physical books, e-books, podcasts, blogs, etc.  


If we are stumbling with being less cranky and determined to change that behavior as a part of being accountable, being honest and transparent with your partner helps soothe the anxiety of being misinterpreted. They will not evaluate us too quickly subsequent times, even when we replicate the same mistake. 


Read more: Dealing with Partner’s porn addiction


Accountability is the talent that every relationship has to have to flourish. It’s not sufficient for just one partner to take ownership of what they inadvertently do that pangs the other partner. Both people in any relationship have to be able to take accountability.  

Now, accountability requires ownership when we’ve accidentally done something wrong, hurt someone else, or let someone down. It entails being responsive to our partner’s requirements, and we have to reply to their request to do something additional and redirect it. It demands a lot of conviction and belief in ourselves as exceptional partners to take ownership. 


We wanted to take ownership of our missteps, but we concluded up blaming ourselves or our partner. When we take ownership of what has happened, we get to do something about it. We are in power, and it feels pleasing because trusting ourselves and our partners can deal with life challenges. This is empowering, which accountability offers. 

 When we decide, we cannot do anything in any circumstances because someone else is to blame. This is disempowering. Blame gives away the control we have to change things, making us victims.  


When we feel weak energy, we might have slipped into blaming ourselves or others. When we feel active power, we’re taking ownership and willing to mend whatever has occurred. We are accountable and ready to face the challenge. We should pay awareness to the feeling rather than overanalyze the condition. 

 If we think that there’s a relationship between blame and accountability, we lack the wisdom between those two. Blame isn’t an elongation of accountability; it’s merely a dysfunctional practice that keeps us stuck and produces irritation. 

Broken relationship

 It’s the same with blame versus accountability in relationships. The clearer we understand blame and accountability, the more relaxed it gets to choose appropriately. That’s why it’s crucial not to obscure accountability with blame.  

When we prefer accountability, we expand our capabilities as trouble solvers, becoming habituated to believing in resolutions rather than problems. This process of choosing accountability for blame is delicate and should not fall into the tangle of condemning ourselves.  


Valuing another human being can be one of the most profound things we do in this lifetime. We also discover how to overlook and maintain space for the ultimate foundation. We have to learn passion and what it is to welcome someone’s nature. It’s critical to keep clear boundaries, maintain responsibility for our actions, and build protection when courting parallel growth. 


We must realize our partners will not always fulfill our every demand, and we must understand when they don’t live up to expectations. Putting our partners on pedestals is damaging because we are flawed and make errors all the time. An essential part of taking accountability in relationships is bearing the many versions of our significant other.  

 Accountability for the relationship is welcoming the starving, moody, melancholy, and broken versions. In our romantic relationships, we may focus more on our requirements and expectations than our partner’s opinions, creating turmoil and unhealthy habits within the union.  

Prioritizing our relaxation and enjoyment will promote stronger bonds within our life. The way to spread positivity to those in our lives is to construct it within ourselves. If we are always trying to satisfy those around us, we will run out of energy to keep afloat.  


 An accountability partner is like an association where we mutually decide to coach each other and provide feedback regularly.  

There are two types of accountabilities—internal and external. Having a good accountability partner can help us make profound progress toward any of our goals. We should consistently bear personal responsibility for every result, but it’s often more straightforward to blame other people in our life. 

 Recreating the “blame game” can derail our efforts at accountability because we will toil with comprehending the relationship between taking massive action and acquiring results. When we decide to be accountable, we must let go of these negative thoughts and accept that our future is in our hands. 


  • We have an option to coach someone while also acquiring worth in return. 
  • You get a specific form of accountability. 
  • Accountability partners often assemble strong friendships as they communicate their yearnings, struggles, dreams, and plans with each other. 
  • We will link at a mutually convenient time.  
  • Accountability partnerships are usually free. 


  • We won’t always agree with the person we pick.  
  • This relationship is challenging if we are occupied and don’t have matching schedules. 
  • If one accountability partner is higher than the other, the coaching can be one-sided. 
  • It’s not as traditional as distinct types of accountabilities if we have a result-driven personality. 


The best accountability partner engagement is where we meet regularly and talk about our progress toward an important life goal. We both have a chance to talk about recent wins, inspect current challenges, and design techniques to execute before our following conversation. 

How to find an accountability partner? 

Step 1: Searching for the right person. We can find an accountability partner online or in person. Go to local meet-ups, enter topic-related forums, converse to members of our online groups and reach out to friends interested in this type of partnership. We can leverage the following online help to find an accountability partner. 

  • Accountability apps like MyFitnessPal and Coach. Me 
  • Reddit groups like Getting Motivated Buddies. 

Step 2: Be open to someone with distinct aspects than ours:  

Our buddy shouldn’t be our exact clone, and we should seek a person who has a comparable level of triumph and has strengths and weaknesses that counter ours. 

To find the right accountability partner, we should look for someone slightly above our current level of success. We must challenge one another. 

Step 3: Approach our favorite candidate.  

When we find someone who seems like an ideal accountability partner, ask if they are interested in this type of meeting. 

Explain the idea, and summarize the commitment’s reciprocal usefulness. 

Step 4: Pick the daytime of the meeting. 

An accountability partner appointment can be structured in an assortment of ways on the mobile or via video calls, while others send updates through email, text, or social media networks.  

We should decide and commit to a day and time that works best for both and maintain a regular schedule.  

Step 5: Create weekly accountability statements. 

We promise to complete these action items before the next session, similar to achievements since they are small checklists part of a larger goal. The best type of accountability statement affiliated with our preliminary plan should have a distinct outcome in a specific time frame.  

Final note

Being accountable is essential for a blooming relationship and an ultimate reminder that we have control as our relationship’s rule-maker. Taking accountability creates confidence and reliability. When we take responsibility for our behaviors, we exhibit our willingness to be sincere and powerless, encouraging our partner to be genuine and faithful with us. 

 Being willing to accept that everyone makes mistakes, we learn to take responsibility and grow. When one communicates in a relationship, they realize that altering their behavior could improve their relationship and recognize the reciprocal importance of support. 

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Bhanu Shree

Bhanu Shree

Bhanu Shree is a seasoned psychologist with over five years of specialized experience in child and adolescent psychology, particularly in addressing learning difficulties and ADHD. A respected mentor in mental health, she offers transformative guidance to adolescents facing various psychological challenges. Beyond her clinical expertise, Shree is an acclaimed author, contributing insightful perspectives on addiction and youth mental health issues. Her work is widely recognized for treatment in the mental health field.

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