Marriage – the sacred word is defined differently in different entities, and it is all based on cultural, religious, and demographic factors.
One commonly accepted definition of marriage is a formal, legal, social union of two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, socially, and emotionally.
Traditionally marriage is regarded as an institution that plays a significant role in preserving morals and civilization.
The reasons why marriage is so important:
- The beginning: It is the beginning of a life-long commitment. Marriage provides an opportunity to grow and pro-create generations and legacies.
- Togetherness: It gives us a life partner with whom we grow old. It is all about facing and loving life together.
- Emotional stability: marriage provides emotional support and stability in relationships. With partners, we become more comfortable by sharing aspirations, struggles, emotions, and feelings.
- A better community: Marriage makes the society and community better as people are bonded with values and morals.
- Teaches compassion: Marriage is the union of the two individuals and families, and being together creates compassion which is good for one’s being. Compassion and kindness are the values that are good for families’ physical and mental health.
However, even the strongest of marriages have their hiccups.
Let us try to find the reasons that destroy a marriage:
- Infidelity: Marriages are often shaken by an extramarital affair. Infidelity disturbs the very foundation of marriage, and it causes feelings of loneliness and betrayal. Infidelity damages the self-esteem of an individual. Often marriages that witness or experience infidelity lead to separation or divorce. Overcoming infidelity is painful and takes time to heal. The consequences will also affect the immediate family.
- Lack of communication: Communication is the key in all walks of life. When the feelings or expressions aren’t put across properly, it leads to distress and strain in the marriage. One is brewing the recipe of resentment by keeping quiet, which leads to an ugly fight. Also, communication doesn’t mean screaming or shutting down or refusing to talk when necessary.
- Lack of priorities: As mentioned above, marriage is about prioritizing and sailing smoothly together. Not putting each other first can be a significant factor of disappointment in marriage. (The article completely supports the concept of self-love and self-care). Being selfish can harm the partner, which obligates marriage.
- Trust factors: Don’t we know that we have a range of detective agencies that claim to spy on one’s spouse? With the mushrooming of this concept, it is evident that marriage lacks trust. Trust is the foundation of any relationship; a wedding shakes when trust shakes. Marriage is built on trust; if we cannot trust, it is not possible to tackle essential milestones in a marriage.
- Devaluing spouse/Relationship: Everyone deserves care and respect. We treasure the feeling of being valued. When there is no value to the partner, it leads to excessive criticism, negativity, neglect, and carelessness. It pulls the spouse’s energy when there is so much negativity from the people they trust most. Whatever we feed to the minds of a spouse spews positivity.
- Lack of honesty: Honesty is one of the most notable qualities in marital relationships. It is critically essential, and dishonesty can lead to broken marriages. Emotional dishonesty involves withholding information, denying, lying about how we feel about our partner, marriage, and ourselves. One feels frustrated and neglected with dishonesty, and hence one cannot resolve, leading to a failed marriage.
- Domestic violence: The victim in an abusive marriage always prefers to come out of the sufferings that they are undergoing. Most of the time, victims suffer silently and lose faith in marriage.
A few other reasons are
- Poor boundaries with family, friends, and colleagues can widen the gap between couples.
- Never apologizing if something is wrong, ‘I am sorry’ is a golden statement and can create miracles in relationships. If one isn’t ready to apologize despite fault, it hurts others.
- Exerting jealousy: We are all unique. If any of our characteristics or attributes cause insecurity to a spouse, it leads to jealousy and bitter feelings.
- Exerting possessivity and dominance: Though it might appear very endearing at the beginning of a relationship, it chokes the marriage as power increases.
- Immaturity: an individual expects maturity in decision-making and other important aspects of marriage. The immaturity of one partner is a burden for the other.
- Lack of sexual intimacy: sex is an integral part of marriage. Lack of sexual intimacy leads to self-doubt and lowers the partner’s self-esteem. Not being open about sex and intimacy can cause damage to the relationship.
- Mental health: Hidden mental health disorders can cause tremors in any marriage. The trouble increases more if one is not ready to seek help.
- Long term illness of a partner can cause the other partner to go through pain. Many wish to come out of this passive pain to lead another life.
We know there could be many more reasons that are a danger to marriage, and the reason could be as simple as silly or as intense as possible. It is not feasible for family, friends, or relatives to think of an individual going through a rough patch in marriage.
So, what are the factors that can glue a roughly affected marriage? How can the couple come to terms with each other? As someone close to them, what can be done?
Couples going through a difficult marriage can give one more chance at their wedding by seeking professional help. They need someone who isn’t judgemental about their relationship and individuals. Counseling helps to understand each other and accept the faults or shortcomings.
There are chances that professional help might get a new outlook about marriage.
Alas, it is left in the hands of the couple, how much they want each other and to what extent they need each other in their lives.
In cases of abuse and domestic violence, families and friends should care for and support the victims and help them come out of an abusive marriage. They should seek legal help in such cases.
It is believed that marriages are made in heaven; of course, it is up to the couple how to make a wedding which gives heavenly happiness to be with one another.