My Attachment to Porn, What to do now?

My Attachment to Porn, What to do now?

My Attachment to Porn, What to do now?

I never thought something so easily accessible could have such a hold on me. I mean, why this obsession when you know the ‘thing’ is going to be there whenever you come back?

To give you an insight, I am talking about porn. I have been struggling with this demon (oh yes, now that I know better, I do consider it one!) for eleven years. 

When I was 11, I stumbled upon my first porn video. At that time, it felt thrilling. It felt like discovering my own secret world that I could dive into any time I wanted. 

But now, at 22, I realize it wasn’t just a phase. It’s something that’s grown into an unhealthy attachment, and it’s consuming my life. For over a decade, porn has been my constant companion. 

At first, it was occasional, just a curious habit. But as the years passed, it became a daily thing. I’ve amassed a hidden collection of over 2,000 photos and countless bookmarks across different platforms. I’ve basically become a porn hoarder. The thought of deleting any of it sends a wave of panic through me. It feels like I’m getting rid of a part of myself. 

I have been that DEEP into it. 

I guess my attachment to porn wasn’t just a habit; it was an emotional crutch, a coping mechanism for my stress and loneliness. Every time life got overwhelming, I turned to it for comfort.

Bad day at college? Watch porn. Argument with a friend? Watch porn. It became my go-to solution for everything, and now I couldn’t imagine a day without it.

The turning point came one weekend when I hit rock bottom. I spent the entire day binge-watching porn, feeling emptier with each passing hour. That night, I lay in bed feeling disgusted with myself. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. I wanted to have meaningful relationships, to live a life free from this hidden shame.

Determined to change, I searched online for strategies to quit. One piece of advice stood out: create barriers to access

I took that really seriously; I started by moving all my hidden photos and bookmarks to a secure, encrypted folder that I couldn’t easily access. I installed a porn blocker to keep me from going back. It was a small step, but it felt like progress.

But this alone was not enough. The real challenge was breaking the psychological hold. Every time I felt the urge, I reminded myself of the emptiness I felt after giving in. I needed a support system, so I turned back to seeking professional help. I enrolled in therapy. At the session, with all honesty, I shared all about my struggles, my vices, and my relapses.

And trust me, it felt great to open up. It was comforting to know I wasn’t alone. My therapist helped me develop coping strategies that were empowering. 

I learned about the importance of mindfulness and developing healthier habits to replace the old ones. I started journaling my thoughts and feelings, which helped me understand my triggers better.

One particularly useful piece of advice was to develop a daily routine that kept me busy and engaged. I began exercising regularly, picking up new hobbies, and reconnecting with friends. These activities provided a much-needed distraction and helped me focus on things that brought real joy into my life.

Now, all of this was in no way easy. Recovery never is. There have been relapses, moments of doubt, and overwhelming urges. 

But every time I stumbled, I reached out to my therapist and the online community. Their encouragement and shared experiences reminded me that I wasn’t fighting this battle alone.

As weeks turned into months, the grip porn had on me started to loosen. I began to see the changes in myself: more confidence, better relationships, and a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in years. I have started reclaiming my life, step by step.

If you’re reading this and struggling with a similar attachment, know that it’s okay to seek help. Whether it’s through an online community, a support group, or friends, reaching out can make all the difference. 

Recovery is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Today, I’m still on my journey, but I’m no longer the person I was. I’ve learned that overcoming addiction is about more than just quitting; it’s about finding healthier ways to cope with life’s challenges and rediscovering the person you want to be. 

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Lynda Mayer

Lynda Mayer, LPCC, an alumnus of the University of Minnesota with a master's degree in Clinical Psychology, is a seasoned licensed professional clinical counselor. With over a decade of experience in counseling, she specializes in adolescent mental health. Lynda actively shares her extensive knowledge and insights through writing, contributing significantly to the field of psychology and mental well-being. Her work not only demonstrates her expertise but also her commitment to improving adolescent mental health outcomes.